6. Once Through a Glass, Now Face to Face

The only sound up there was the space station's air circulators and the memories rolling around in Ransom's head.
Ransom's father was a quiet man who never showed affection. He and Ransom didn't talk much, but when they did, his father would give advice. And Ransom usually found his advice too cynical.
One piece of advice; keep your realspace friends and your cyberspace friends separate. Don't confuse the two. If you try to turn a cyberspace friend into realspace friend, nine times out of ten, you will be disappointed. His father said that that was true even back when he was his son's age, and the Net was still mostly hypertext. But it was Ransom's prerogative as a dynamic young person to disregard the old codger's words.
Ransom now knew that his father was right. Or rather, he would have been right if he had used a different word besides "disappointed."
When Ransom met Jesse, he was changed, shaken, challenged, confronted with nothing less than the meaning of life. Before, his life was aimless. After he met Jesse, Ransom found his purpose. He realized what he had been wanting, been yearning for. Beatrice. It was everything he had ever dreamed. And if he could deliver Beatrice safely, he would not think it strange, the trials and sadness of his his life.

Ransom hadn't been in his mountain house for even a full minute before Jesse flew into the window. "Ransom, don't be a stranger, okay?"
"Hi, Jesse. Nice outfit."
"It's nineties week on campus. My mother sent it to me, She found it in the back of her closet."
Ransom noticed something strange. Even though she was wearing that silly retro outfit, instead of her superhero uniform, she still floated six inches off the ground. "How are you?" he asked.
"I'm good, except for the fact that I haven't seen you in like, almost a month"
"Yeah, I guess I needed a break from telepresence."
"Have you been working a lot lately?"
"No, I quit."
"Why'd you quit? I thought you liked theme park security?"
"I just have some things I need to work out, that's all."
Her arms akimbo, "Ransom, talk to me. Why did you quit?"
Ransom and Jesse had been friends now for half a year. He greatly enjoyed her company. Jesse had a strength of character that Ransom did not fully understand. Every time he was low, all he needed to do was talk to her to feel better. But he was ashamed. This was to much. He didn't have the right to pour out this much bitterness in front of her. She didn't owe him anything.
Ransom walked to the window and stared out over the lush Guatemalan valley. He didn't have the strength to lie, to put on a happy face and pretend that everything was alright. And she was offering to listen, wasn't she?
"Jesse, I just had to get out of there. They kept scheduling me to work at Movie World theme park. I told them that I didn't want to be there. And when they asked why, I couldn't really give a good reason. So they kept sending me out there. So I quit.
"Longest block of uninterrupted employment I ever had. Three years. I know, I'm dumb."
"I don't get it." said Jesse. "What's so bad about Movie World?"
Sigh. "It was Ken's favorite park. We used to hang out there all the time. We had dreams. We wanted to make famous movies. We made movies all the time. All kinds of goofy shit. The best movie we ever made was a two hour video called Son of Gump. It was based on that old one from the nineties, Forest Gump. It was pretty amateur. One watching it can immediately tell it was made by a couple kids."
"Show it to me sometime." said Jesse.
"Gimme a sec... There, I sent you a copy."
"So it's the memories? The memories made you quit. You were constantly reminded of your friend who died a month ago."
"He didn't die!" Ransom frowned. "I wish he were dead, that idiot."
"Ransom, do you think it's your fault? Because you helped him get his drugs?"
Ransom thought about it. "No." He thought about it a little too long.
"You shouldn't be alone now. You're not doing yourself any good by cutting off all your familiar ties."
"Why would I want to do myself any good?"
"Are you doing what you usually do? Hanging out with you friends? Are you going to church?"
"What? The Superhumanist is recommending that I go to church?"
"I just think you should do anything that will help you feel better."
"You know, " began Ransom, "I always conceded to your criticisms of organized religion I knew there were problems with the churches. But I believed they could be fixed. When Ken had his stroke, no one really cared. He used to be a member at that church. But all they could do was sanctimoniously shake their heads and make some jackassed comment about the evils of drugs. All the while they were drinking their caffeinated coffee and there endorphinated milk. They were just as cold and hypocritical as the worst critics make them out to be. I ignored and downplayed the evils of Christianity until it happened to a friend. Not until it was right in front of my face... I bet you think I'm stupid."
"No, Ransom. I respect your beliefs."
"Why? Even I don't respect my beliefs anymore."
"Ransom, Do you remember when we got into an argument about the afterlife? I was in a bitchy mood. I said that all Christians should just kill themselves. And you started talking about The Forever People."
"Not really."
"Well that's okay, because I saved it."
Ransom shook his head. He hated her habit of saving conversations. How is modern man supposed to forget the pain in their lives when our servers remember everything?
Jesse opened a video window. There was Ransom sitting on the ground of the SL forum, and Jesse sitting six inches in the air. The time on the video stated it was two AM eastern standard time, the morning after Thanksgiving. They were the only ones there.
Jesse said, "Don't you find it incredibly convenient, how the Christian memes can be used to manipulate people? The poor and dispossessed are convinced that they should accept their lot in life. Because it is God's will. Because if they behave themselves, they have heaven waiting for them after they die. Those poor bastards are gonna be so disappointed. Or actually, they won't be anything, because they won't exist in any form after the event of their death."
"I don't look at it that way, Jesse."
"Lemme ask you something. Do you believe that suicides automatically go straight to Hell?"
"No." said Ransom.
"Then why are Christians so dead set against suicides? I mean, I heard that Seventh Day Wellness has a policy of firing any physician that assists in a suicide. Why? If you're a Christian, then suicide seems like a pretty sweet deal to me. There are a lot of Christians out there who could do the world a favor by offing themselves."
Ransom exhaled, long and deliberate. "Hey, Jesse, are you familiar with The Fourth World series of comic books?"
"Yes. Jack Kirby wrote them before my mother was born. They're classics."
"You've read The Forever People?"
"Oh, no. I've only read The New Gods and Mister Miracle."
"The Forever People," began Ransom, "they're this group of teenagers from Supertown, which is on the planet New Genesis. Supertown is a post-singularity society. Their technology has made the into gods, superhuman new gods. New Genesis is a paradise.
"Now this group of bored immortal teenagers go to Earth. Why do they go there? Because they hear that this evil bastard named Darkseid from a planet called Apokolips is on Earth. And he has plans for enslaving Earth's people."
Ransom stood up and started pacing around the forum and making hand gestures. He wasn't sure what his point was. He was sure he had one, however. "Okay, so The Forever People want to stop Darkseid. But they're having trouble and they need help. Enter special comic book guest star, Superman!" Ransom raises a fist straight up in the air. "Now, apparently old Kal El has been depressed lately. He's tired of being a superman in a world of men. He wants to be around his own kind.
"Long story short, Superman comes and helps The Forever People save the day. In gratitude, they offer to give Superman anything they can provide. What does he ask for? Superman asks to go to Supertown. The Forever People don't like this, but they appease Superman and open an intergalactic portal to New Genesis. And what happens?"
Jesse cocks an eyebrow, "Um, he goes through the portal?"
"No! He looks through the portal. He sees this world with no pain, no death and disease. Technology beyond his wildest dreams. A world where everyone is superhuman like him. Superman watches as the portal closes and stays behind on Earth. And why? Because Darkseid and lots of other evil bastards like him are still on Earth, causing trouble.
"My point, and I do have one, is that Christians can't be anxious to get to Heaven. There's a whole world of pain and hurt down here. God in His infinite wisdom allowed the Earth to be this way. But he gave us the power to change things. When Jesus prayed the Lord's Prayer, he said, Thy Kingdom come. The ultimate goal of Christianity is not for us to get to Heaven. It's to bring Heaven to us."
Jesse closed the video window.
"Well thanks for the memories, Jesse. You know, sometimes I forget how nasal and dorky my voice sounds."
"Ransom, I loved that conversation. That's you at your best. I've never heard anyone use comic books to explain religion. That was awesome. I mean, not nearly awesome enough to make me a believer. But it was pretty cool, nonetheless."
"Jesse, comic books are for kids."
"Blasphemy! Comic books saved my life. They taught me to believe in the future."
Ransom thought about asking her what she meant by "saved her life," but didn't say anything.
"Ransom, how old were you when you became born again?"
"I dunno. Four."
"This has been with you for a long time. You are maturing. You're outgrowing the Christian mythologies. But you can't just tear the meme out of your head clean and simple. It's going to take time to work this out."
"I don't know." said Ransom. "Sometimes I just feel like getting in my car and driving. Away from here. Out of Florida. I hate this place."
"I know, it's so hot. I never got used to the heat in Miami. Isn't it cool this time of year tho?"
"When were you in Miami?"
"I lived there for a few years after high school. My parents have a house down there."
"Wait a minute." said Ransom. "Your parents live in SoFlo?"
"Yeah. I thought you knew that."
"CenFlo is just north of SoFlo."
"Um, yeah, Ransom. I know that."
"So do you ever go back to visit your parents?"
"Of course. I'm planning on seeing them in a few weeks over spring break."
Ransom stared at her, as if there was more for her to say. Jesse just stared back and was like, what?
"Hey, I've got an idea." said Ransom "I can visit you."
Jesse thought about it. "Okay, Ransom." She thought about it a little too long.

She hesitated when he asked to see her. This worried Ransom for a moment. But he waved it off. He applied for a non-employee credit account with General Telepresence. He picked up a few temporary jobs. He has something to look forward to in his life, if only for a few weeks.

He saw her in telepresence one last time before seeing her in the flesh.
"How was the trip from Mass, Jesse?"
"Okay."
"I've never flown before. What's it like breaking the sound barrier?"
She shrugged her shoulders.
Ransom received a text prompt from his server.
ATTN, RANSOM: your friend is apparently using an emotion filter app on her avatar. More information?
"Jesse, are you talking to me through a emotion filter?"
"Why? Are you using an emotion filter detector on me?"
"I'm sorry, Jesse. I do trust you. I installed the detector onto my server a long time ago and I just forgot I had it on... Jesse what's wrong?"
Her facial expression changed instantly when she apparently turned the filter off. She was the soul of anxiety. "I think that's it's appropriate that I tell you something before we meet." She laughed nervously, "I'm usually not this, uh, worried about it. I mean, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. But my appearance in telepresence is misleading. It's been changed somewhat."
It's not unusual for a person's telepresent self to look different than their real life counterpart. Whether it be a woman whose digital representation was twenty pounds lighter, or a forty-year-old male slob who enters telepresence as a sixteen year old female cheerleader. Ransom's server kept up to date information on his appearance and body dimensions. So his cyberself looked like his realself. Interaction through the Net requires a certain level of trust. So in Ransom's opinion, changing your appearance over telepresence makes you a sucky loser.
But Ransom was so anxious to meet Jesse that he was willing to forgive any false advertising. Besides, he was beginning to worry that Jesse was too perfect anyway.
"So what? Are you maybe a little bit bigger? Got a little bit of baby fat? That's okay."
"No."
"Your boobs aren't really that big?"
"Nothing that pathetic."
"You're not really a dude, are you? I mean, you do have a vagina, right?"
"Well, yeah, I guess."
"You guess? What do you mean, you guess?"
"God! This isn't going the way I thought it would. Ransom, you asshole, you play too much, you know that?"
"Ok, then just tell me, what did you change?"
"I didn't change anything!" said Jesse.
"But you just said..." At this point Jesse was hiding her face behind her hands. "Hey, look, it's okay, whatever it is. We're going to hang out, have fun. Hopefully, you'll enjoy my company."
She moved her hands. "Why are you coming here, Ransom?"
"To see you beyond virtuality. It's what friends do, right?"
She looks him a question, "Friends?"
"Um, yeah." He thinks that's the right answer.
"Okay," barely audible, "I'll see you Friday."

This time, Ransom recorded their conversation. He scanned the whole thing with a lie detector which, strangely enough, indicated that the seemingly contradictory statements she made about changing her appearance were both true. He had a semi-intelligent psychoanalysis app look over the the recording. It stated, "The subject is displaying normal feelings of anxiety associated with meeting someone for the first time after communicating with them over the internet for long periods of time. Case studies?"
Bullshit. Ransom knew there was more to it. There was something wrong. Something big, dark, evil, hellish wrong. Where did that come from? Maybe he was just a little anxious too. This was just feminine overreacting to something trivial. There. That's an answer that'll satisfy an immature young man.

On the way to Miami the interior door panel to Ransom's car just fell completely off at a rest stop on the Reagan Turnpike. He had an old pair of pliers in the trunk which he used to open the door from the inside.

Jesse's parents lived in a nice neighborhood. So nice that there was an actual human security officer at the front gate. Ransom's car server sent the access code Jesse had provided to the officer, who waved him through.
He arrived at the house and walked around back to the patio where Jesse was sitting with her younger cousins. When her cousins stood, she remained seated. She had on sunglasses, and she definitely wasn't fat. But she still remained seated even when he called her name. He walked towards Jesse and saw that she was in a wheelchair. Oh no! She must have hurt herself since the time he last saw her. Well I hope she's feels well enough to go out, thought Ransom.
It just then occurred to him that Jesse was a cripple.
He thought about turning and leaving. He then immediately thought of scourging himself for thinking such a horrendous thought.
He went to her. He wasn't sure whether he should address her standing, or crouch down to her eye level. He stood. "Hi, Jess."
"Ransom, how was your trip?"
"It was alright, except for my car falling apart."
"Your car fell apart?"
"Yeah." He knew that he should elaborate. But instead he opted for uncomfortable silence.
"Look, I know what you want to ask me." she said. "And the answer is yes, I haven't eaten yet, so let's go get something, I'm starved."
He smiled for the first time since arrival. "Okay."

They went to Jesse's favorite restaurant, a little Vietnamese place sandwiched between an antique book shop, and an electronics store that specialized in notepads. Between the past and the future, she said. Ransom ordered some shrimp and noodles, and Jesse got some vegetable rolls with a peanut dipping sauce. Ransom thought that the shrimp tasted kinda funny. He recalled that Jesse said that they would have to hurry because Mr. Tran closed the restaurant at sundown for Sabbath. Ransom took another bite and then realized that the owners were Transadventists, and that he was eating analog shrimp. Lousy Transadventists.

As they ate, they talked just as they would any other time they talked in telepresence. Ransom mentioned a new link that Data had found about trained felines with augmented intelligence raised in Russia. Jesse said she saw it and thought it was really weird. She mentioned the new comic book she downloaded, written and drawn by some Peruvian artist Ransom had never heard of. They talked about many things except what Ransom really wanted to talk about.

They finished their meal and Jesse drove them back to her house. She owned a late model two door manufactured by World Motor Company. But the impressive thing about it was it's custom installed robot brain built by Nippon Fullerene. A robot arm grabbed up her wheelchair after she transferred herself into the driver's seat. The car had para controls, but she didn't use them. "Drive home." she said. And the car responded with a beep before obeying.
Throughout the meal, Ransom had been agonizing over how to ask her about her disability. Finally he just came out and asked her. "Jesse, are you in that wheelchair permanently?"
"No, not permanently. I mean, yes, there is no treatment currently available that can fix my spinal cord, if that's what you mean."
"Is that what you were trying to tell me Monday?"
"Uh, yeah," said Jesse. "I don't, like, purposely deceive people. I mean, heh, you never asked, are you a disabled person? I talk to dozens of people about it in telepresence. But most of the time, I don't even mention it. I mean, why should I?"
Ransom nodded, "Yeah, I guess you don't want to be explaining it constantly."
"And people are so rude on the Net."
"Yeah, some people." He smiled sheepishly.
"Oh! I know you're rude, Ransom. That's one of the things I like about you." A moment of silence. "I'm sorry Ransom. I thought I would never see you in realspace. I should have told you. It's been seven years, and it's still hard."
"It's okay, I understand. It's just that... you think you know someone, you know?"
"But we do know each other, in the most important ways." she said.
"This is the first time we've met."
"We've known each other for months. We've met many times. We've shared our ideas, our thoughts, our dreams. That's what really matters."
"Are you saying that physicality is irrelevant?"
"No, not irrelevant. Not yet, anyway. Cybernetic interaction between humans has evolved in leaps and bounds. Consider how different things are from say, forty years ago, when the Net was still in infancy. With such an incredible rate of change, it may turn out that the most important relationships are digital. I believe this will be a growing trend as we approach superhumanity."
"You really believe that our virtual relationships will be more important than our real relationships?"
"What is real?" asked Jesse. "Obviously, some physical relationships are necessary. For example, the relationship between mother and child, that's essential."
"Until we become pod people."
"Huh?"
"You know, Brave New World." He smiled.
"Okaaaaay...But answer me this, Ransom. What brings more joy to your life, your family or your friends?"
"My family."
"Be honest now."
"Heh, okay, my friends."
"They say that you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends. But isn't your choice of friends limited to the people around you? The people you work with? go to school or church with? The people in your neighborhood, on your block?"
"But there's no limitation in cyberspace." said Ransom.
"Hey! You're smarter than you look."
There was another awkward silence and then Ransom asked another hard question." Jesse, can I ask, how did it happen?"
"It was September 15, 2023. That's when it happened. I was at school. My junior year. Have you ever heard of See You at the Pole?"
"Oh yeah. Good Christian kids all over the country exercise their freedom of religion by gathering around the school's flagpole and praying for the nation, the school, their family, yada yada. It's a been tradition since my dad was in school. I did it every year until I dropped out." Then it clicked in his mind. "Oh my God. The See You at the Pole tragedy. That was you?"
Jesse nodded.
"It was all over the news. All those kids dying. They were your classmates. Those three students. Monsters. What were their names?"
"Their names aren't important." said Jesse. "They don't deserve to be remembered. It was actually a whole gang of kids. About ten of them who planned the attack. They were militant atheists who wanted to better society by thinning out the herd of brainwashed Christian sheep. They brought a few guns and a bunch of IED's."
"IED's?"
"Improvised Explosive Device. A fancy synonym for homemade bombs."
"So you were praying at the flagpole."
She snorted. "No, Ransom. I was skipping class. Oh, I was such a wild child. I thought that with all those students leaving class to go pray at the flagpole, it would be a good time to try and sneak out undetected. Boy, was I ever wrong.
"I was hiding behind these bushes. I was waiting for my college-age boyfriend. I was minding my own business and smoking a pot cigarette. Then I hear an explosion. I don't even have time to turn around before I hear a gunshot and feel something hit me from behind so hard... I can't even describe it. And that's the last thing I remember."
"So many kids died that day." said Ransom.
"Yeah, I know. I was one of the lucky ones, I know. Look, I don't want to talk about this any more."
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry, Ransom."
"No, I understand." He reached over and squeezed her shoulder. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back on her slender neck. And Ransom thought that she looked even more beautiful than her digital representation.

That night, they went to a bar. Then they went back to her place and talked until four in the morning. he crashed on her parents couch. They saw a play the next day. Ransom had a wonderful time, and he really thought that Jesse had enjoyed herself too.
On the way home to CenFlo, Ransom felt anxious. He told Jesse that he would miss her, and she just laughed. "Oh, I'll see you tomorrow." In telepresence, of course. Ransom thought that there was a possibility that he couldn't be satisfied with that.