21. The Abomination of Desolation

Ransom was exploring Kilgore Station, virtually. Dr Dacron had provided him with a full three dimensional construct of the space city. He was checking out the corridors and modules when he received a page telling him that someone was waiting for him in his mountain house. He simultaneously hoped and feared for the same person. He switched environments from Kilgore Station to his mountain shack. It was her.
"Hello Ransom." She wasn't wearing her super hero outfit anymore. He guessed she must think that she's more mature than she was a few months ago, somehow. She wore baggy cargo pants that hid her legs that always looked kinda skinny to Ransom, but didn't look bad. She wore a tight t-shirt that showed off her toned upper body. Ransom's pulse quickened. He resisted the urge to block her visually and only listen to her voice. "I hope you weren't too busy. I just wanted to say hi. Haven't seen you in a while."
"Nothing I can't put off till later. It's just something I have to study for work."
"Oh yeah? What is it?"
"Can't tell you. It's a secret."
"Oh... Well, you don't have to tell me, if you don't want to." she said.
"I do want to tell you. But I can't, because it's a secret. I told you that. So don't fucking put words in my mouth"
"I wasn't putting words into your mouth. I mean, I wasn't trying to. I just thought..."
"What? That you know everything about me?" said Ransom. "That nothing I do is important enough to keep secret?"
"I'm confused. Why are you biting my head off? I just came by to say hi. I'm sorry if I offended you."
Why was she being so coy? She even managed to look confused when she said that she was confused. This infuriated Ransom. But he hid his rage inside. He couldn't allow himself to appear petty. "I'm sorry. Lots of stress lately. So tell me how's school going, Jesse?"
"Good, really good. How's work going?"
"Ah... it's a secret."
"Oh."
"I signed a confidentiality agreement. If I tell you, they could sue me into the ground."
"You can't tell me, ever?"
"No, I can tell you when the mission is over."
She made her lips pout. "I wish you could tell me now."
Ransom thought about resisting her pretty face. Then immediately caved. "Do you have access to an encrypted line and a secure server?"
"Of course. I have a tech geek friend who can hook me up."
"Can you meet me in thirty minutes, at your place?"

Ransom pulled off his ear phones and stereo goggles, yanked the headset jack out of his home server and walked down to the Shop 'n Save convenience store down the street from his house. They had an old public access terminal in the back of the store. He plugged his headset into the appropriate jack. He didn't want to risk charging the access fee to his credit account, so his slipped a ten dollar coin into the slot and grabbed the hand controller which was bolted to the counter to prevent stealing.

He found Jesse in her office in the Superhuman League space station.
He told her about his mission. He told her about Beatrice, what it was, what it could do for the entire medical industry. He did not go into as much detail and speculation about what Beatrice could do about the human central nervous system. And he didn't even mention Project Nephilim, except to state that Seventh Day was entering a partnership with Nippon Fullerene in order to develop AI technology. Ransom felt he had made a good presentation.
She listened to him with rapt attention. Just as he had hoped and expected, she hung on every word. Months before, she would have listed to him with the same sincere interest even if he had just ben describing his day. But things were different now. He needed something really impressive if he was going to take up her time.
When he finished, she gave a reply that aroused his anger again. "You can't do this."
"What? You're joking, right?"
"You don't need to do this. You can go and tell them that you're not going to do it. They can't fire you for that."
"You want me to disappoint a top level executive officer of a Big Ten corporation? I'm never going to get another offer like this."
"It's not worth your life."
"I told you Jesse. There is very little chance that anything could happen. It's an acceptable risk. They are sending me daily updates of their corporate security intel. The company is doing everything possible for a safe mission. And did I mention that they're going to let me become a bioreactor tech when I return?"
"You trust them? Ransom, you have everything to lose, and they have everything to gain. The only thing they are risking is your next of kin's life insurance settlement." she said. "Or do you think they won't send a young man off to die? Why not? Because they're Christians?"
"Yes, they're Christians. So what? They're trying to make the world a better place. They're not just sitting on their ass waiting for some savior to come fix everything."
She put a virtual hand on his virtual forearm. She sounded so sincere, that it sickened Ransom. "There are other ways of helping the world that don't involve putting yourself in danger."
"Right. What the hell do you expect me to do? Do you want me to be nothing for the rest of my life?"
"You are not nothing. Your self worth is not measured by your job or how much money you make."
"Well that's real fucking easy for you to say." he said.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that it's people who have money who say that money isn't important, and things like that."
"It's true. Don't be cynical."
Ransom opened an access window and conducted a search of the Net.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm searching an inventory database. I want to show you something. Show you that I'm not in as much danger as you think... Here it is." He held out his arm and the black metal device appeared in his hand. When Jesse saw it, she instinctively jumped. Her eyes widened and her mouth formed into a circle. "Standard issue 9mm. Semiautomatic with a ten round magazine."
"Oh God. Put that thing away."
"They gave it to me for free. I'm taking a crash course in weapons training. And I have to get licensed, of course. But see, if anything happens I can fight back."
"Put it away. I hate guns. You know I hate guns."
"Put what away. This is just a computer generated prop. Hello? This is telepresence, remember? It's not real, see?" He pointed the gun at his head. The room lit up as he put three virtual slugs into his head.
"STOP IT! You asshole!" Her voice was a shriek that seemed even louder than the sound effects generated by the gunshot. Ransom had never seen her this angry before. he let go of the gun and it disappeared. He was surprised that she still chose not to use an emotion filter when talking to him.
"Ransom, why do you hate me? I know that you wanted me to stay with you. You think that I'm rejecting you. But it has nothing to do with you. If things were different. If I wasn't the way I am, then what was between us could have worked."
The voice. That small voice was telling Ransom to shut the Hell up, that he was making a mistake. That things could maybe be worked out and they could have another chance.
No, thought Ransom. There won't be another chance. I don't want another chance.
"Don't patronize me, Jesse. The only reason we got together is because of the way you are."
"What?"
"I don't kid myself. Tell myself what a great guy I am. I know that I never would have won you if you weren't at such disadvantage to resist me. Why would a girl like you be interested in a white trash loser like me? Only unless you were desperate. Unless you thought couldn't do any better. And when things started going your way, when your life got good again, you realized that you didn't need anyone, especially not me."
Jesse made a feeble attempt to interrupt, but Ransom waved her off. "The worst part was not that you left. The worst part was that you added insult to injury when you couldn't even admit that you loved me, even if it was in a temporary moment of weakness. I was reduced to just a pity date. Well, fuck you. I don't need your fucking pity."
Seconds as long as hours passed. It was silent. Jesse stared into space and said nothing. She looked as if she couldn't speak.
"Goodbye, Jesse."

God, I wish I had never met her.
It was silent. Just as silent as that last day in the Superhuman League. Kilgore Station was peaceful. It gave no indication of being in the middle of a crisis.
Ransom was angry. And none of the tripe about, "Anger is the sin of murder." He had a right to be angry. She treated him like he was nothing.
But she didn't seem to think of him as nothing. She seemed pretty concerned.
She used me when she was bored, and threw me away when she was finished.
You were there when she needed you. But she didn't want you the way you wanted her. She should have been honest with you. But people make mistakes. Why continue to be angry?
Because I changed my life for her. Everything became different after I met her. I wouldn't be here with Beatrice if it wasn't for her. I wish I had never met her.
But you have met her. And once you meet someone, there is no way to un-meet them. Once she violated the way you thought that things ought to be, you sought to invalidate her existence. She inadvertently made you feel like nothing. You purposely tried to make her feel like nothing. She showed concern. You showed rage. You wish her broken and hurting. You seek to avenge your insult and pay her in kind, how much? Twice? Ten times? Seventy times seven?
Ransom shook his head. He thought, what does this have to do with the mission? This is not about me or her. Beatrice is bigger than both of us.
He pleaded with himself, get up. Get up and move to the airlock. Escape the terrorists.
The mission is the most important thing. Beatrice is worth more than his life, worth more than his doubts, worth more than his superstition inspired reservations. The future is everything, and Beatrice is the future.