16. Two Masters

Okay. Move on the count of three.
Inhale. One. Two. Three...
Ransom didn't budge.
How he wished he could be a man of action, and not a man of contemplation. How he wished he could trade intelligence for happiness.
And how he wished that he knew himself better, and knew why the dilemma was so hard. All scientific logic urged him to move. While only a vague superstitious doubt held him in place.
He remembered his old friend Tony. The events that led him here would not have taken place, had he not run into his old friend a few months ago.
As he valiantly fought against his the residual memories of religious experience, the same quiet voice told him that in this world, there are no coincidences.

Ransom was walking down the sidewalk at a quick pace. He was trying to burn off enough of the energy that comes with drinking straight bourbon until he felt he was okay to drive. It was quarter after two in the morning. Christmas City. All the way on the other side of the Orlando. How the hell did he get all the way out here? Oh yeah. Jesse was busy.
Those last few weeks of summer, Jesse was always busy. She still maintained the forum. But she finally gave to a forum member named Aquinas the assistant forum administrator position. And after many months of bugging her about it, Aquinas gladly accepted. Ransom decided to give The Superhuman League a break and tried not to suspect that Jesse was avoiding him. That would be selfish, to suppose that this was all about himself.
Ransom drove around with the radio turned low. He drove until he got bored of driving, found a dive, and tied one on.
After drinking liquor, he always had a tremendous desire to talk to someone, anyone. He walked past a strip mall, noticed that one of the lights were on in one of the units. It was a coffeehouse. The neon sign said "open."
The place was cozy enough. The cliched coffeehouse design. The dim lighting, mismatched but comfy looking couches, the showcase for local artists. There was a Rodin inspired sculpture of some dude praying or something. On one wall was a abstract painting that appeared to represent the crucifixion. On another wall was a telescreen that played a piece of performance art on continuous loop. Something about an old man welcoming a young man into his home with great enthusiasm.
The old man behind the counter shot Ransom a smile that took him by surprise. Ransom re-payed the gesture by walking right into a table, falling to the ground, taking several chairs with him, and basically looking like a big jerk.
The old man bounded round the corner and helped Ransom up. Now that he was close, Ransom decided that he wasn't that old. No, he wasn't old at all.
"Look, we don't need any troublemakers in here."
"Nah, man. I'm just looking for some caffeine." said Ransom.
"You look familiar. You been here before?"
Ransom eyed the guy. He looked familiar too. "No, man. First time here. Pretty nice place you got here. All the art shit on the walls."
"Thank you."
Ransom noticed that the performance piece on the telescreen had ended and displayed the title, "The Prodigal Son."
"Why is there so much religious stuff in here?" asked Ransom.
"Well, this is a church."
"A church, you say?" Burp.
"Didn't you see the sign on the storefront next door? Harvest Reformed Presbyterian? This is the coffeehouse ministry. This church building was a grocery store up until a year ago. We moved in shortly after they closed."
Suddenly, Ransom recognized him. "Tony? Tony Callahan?"
"You do know me?"
"Ransom Archer, from youth group, Church on the Rock?"
"Ransom! I haven't seen you in years. I'm sorry I didn't recognize you. Part of my job requires me to learn lots of names and faces, and my brain jumbles them up sometimes."
"Well, I didn't recognize you because you're, like, bald. Totally bald."
Tony rubbed the residual hair at his temples. "Yeah, it started falling out in senior year, high school."
"Why don't you get a cellular injection. That'll fix that right up, you know."
"I know. But it's money I'd rather not spend right now. My vanity can wait."
"But it makes you look like an old guy. At least go for the Mr Clean look. Cue ball it."
"I might do that. So, are you still working for General Telepresence?"
"No. I'm with Seventh Day, now. I'm security at the Baseball City Hospital. And what about you?"
"Assistant youth pastor, right here."
Pastor Tony Callahan? It would take a while before Ransom could believe that.
"Do you need a ride home, Ransom?"
Ransom lied. In church. He said he only had one beer.
"Well listen, we're about to close up here. But we should get together and catch up on old times."
"Yeah, we could go get a drink or something."
"I have a better idea. I'm needing a volunteer to help me move all this stuff over to the coffeehouse ministry's new location, next door where that old jewelry store shut down. Next weekend. It'll just take a few hours."
"Uh... you want me to work? For free?"
"Yes, that's what volunteer means." said Tony.
"I sort of have this moral objection to doing work without getting paid."
"Nice try, Ayn Rand. But I seem to remember how you were always volunteering to help out in youth group when we were kids."
"Yeah, but that was when I was a stupid teenager who didn't have to work for a living." Oh, who was Ransom kidding? He knew that he was forever doomed to be a doormat. It was wired into his brain. And it's not like he had anything better to do. "All right, Tony. I'll do it."

It was an eloquent service. Pastor Tony was a fine speaker. But as far as Ransom was concerned, he could have been reading sports scores, or the weather forecast.
After they moved the coffeehouse, Tony invited Ransom to hear him deliver a message at next week's youth service. There, sitting among all those smiling teenagers so unsure of themselves, Ransom went and listened to his old friend, Tony preach. Thus, absolute proof that he really was a pastor.
But back in high school, Tony Callahan was an idiot. A pothead. A straight-D student. He made well known his desire to get into the Pastor's daughter's panties, even though he didn't have a chance. The only reason he ever went to youth group was because his parents threatened to take away his car if he didn't go. And you can be sure that he would sneak out into the parking lot to fire one up any chance he got. He should be working some dead-end job saving for nothing but enough money to party the weekend away, not pastoring a flock of teenage born-agains.
It's no wonder the Christian memeplex has lasted for thousands of years. It's redemptive powers are very real. It taught people discipline and ethics. It created men like Tony, the salt of the earth. Regardless of the fact that it's core truths are really false. The uncanny ability for Christian foma to replace entropy with extropy made Ransom hesitant to tell Tony what he really thought about The Faith.

After the service, Tony asked Ransom to help him put away the folding chairs.
Ransom wasn't in any hurry. He moved one chair at a time. The sanctuary was empty, except for the two of them.
"So, Ransom. Which church do you attend on your side of town?"
"I don't have time to go to church. The only reason I came here was to see you speak."
"Well that's nice, that you came to see me. But God wants you to come to church for Him first, and then the Christian fellowship second. You know how jealous he can be."
"I don't believe in God anymore."
As a pastor, Ransom figured that he hears this sort of thing quite often. But Tony actually appears quite startled.
"I mean, I don't know if I'm an atheist, or agnostic. Maybe I'm a deist. I just can't believe in a loving Christian God. If God exists, then he hates mankind with a perfect hatred. And he has no son named Jesus."
Tony spoke after a long few seconds. "Well, Ransom, there's really no point in me asking you to help with the ministry anymore. Of course, you're still welcome."
"Really?"
"Yes. You didn't think that just because you're having a lapse of faith, that means we would cease to be friends? That would make worse than Job's comforters."
"No, I didn't. You're a good man, Tony."
"No one is good but God."
Ransom turned back to the task at hand. Most of the chairs were put away. There was trash that needed collecting. He mumbled something about how Christians shouldn't litter as he picked it up. A candy bar wrapper. Several assorted drink bottles. One of which was filled with spit. Ew. One of those disposable paper iPods. He picked it up and threw it into the garbage can across the room. Swish. Nothin but net. "So I guess I'm going to Hell now."
"Not necessarily. Lot's of people have times of doubt.
"Okay. But what if I walk out that door right now and get hit by a car, or something."
"God judges your entire life. Not just what's rolling around your head when you die."
"But what if I never recover my faith? Am I going to Hell?"
Tony nodded.
"Well, that sucks." said Ransom.
"Why are you so concerned about a place that you don't even believe exists?"
"Strangely enough, I still feel like Hell exists. But tell me this. Would God judge someone if their doubt is genuine? If they truly, sincerely believe that God doesn't exist? Why is that a damnable offense?"
"You sound like you're preaching Calvin's doctrine of predestination. Which I thought you did not agree with."
"I don't." said Ransom.
"Then why do you act like you have no choice in the matter of your faith?"
"Because I feel like I don't. I see how terrible the world is, and I can't believe in an all-powerful loving God. I just can't."
"God never gives us more than we can handle. God gives us the necessary faith. It's our choice to use it or quench it."
"Okay. So I've lost my faith. Let's say I wanted God to give me more faith. How can I get Him to give me some?"
"By obeying the Word of God. His Laws. It is sin which causes doubt."
"Sin... what? This has nothing to do with guilt." Ransom instant lost a degree of respect for Tony. He thought that maybe Tony could understand where he was coming from. But he couldn't. He can't believe that Tony is actually trying to use guilt to bring him back into the flock. It must be a wide taught strategy in Christian polemics. When you can't defend you faith, just turn the focus of the argument on the other man's personal life.
Ransom changed the subject a lot. "I saw Ken the a few weeks ago."
"At the home? I went there two months ago."
"You did?"
"Yes. He was my friend too, remember? I didn't even realize that the two of you were still friends until I saw you at the coffeehouse. I wish I had realized before how bad his life had become."
"Why did this have to happen to him? Why can't he wake up from the trance he's in. Or at least die, so there'll be some closure."
Tony shook his head. "Ken did make a choice when he overdosed on those drugs."
"But I don't think he was even trying to kill himself. If he did, he would have finished the job. I think he just wanted attention. And I don't think the divine retribution matches the crime. I've heard of people taking as much drugs as he did and recovering completely. What about Jesse?"
"Who's Jesse?"
"The girl I told you about. She lives in SoFlo, is in a wheelchair. What did she do to deserve getting shot?"
"Neither she nor her parents sinned in a way to deserve this. Ransom, nobody knows why God allows these things to happen. God's plan is above our understanding."
"Right. We mortals are to stupid to understand what's going on. We just have to have faith, no matter how much shit rolls down over us."
Only two chairs are left in the sanctuary. Ransom sits down in one. Tony takes the other chair and straddles it backwards.
"Ransom, you sound as if you care very deeply about this girl, Jesse."
Ransom's eyes scanned the room. "I do."
"Are you in love with her?"
"Um... it's complicated."
"Do you love her more than you love God?"
"Love her more than a non-existent deity? I'm sure I do."
"So... did you guys do it?"
"Um... kinda."
"So, the biblical commandment of waiting until marriage doesn't apply to you?"
"Tony, come on."
"What?"
"It was only oral."
"Ok, Bill Clinton."
"So that's it?" Ransom rolled his eyes as he talked. "That's the great sin that's causing my crisis of faith? No way. I've had my doubt way before that happened."
"I wasn't implying that. But yes, I do think this girl has something to do with your lack of faith. I think Jesse is bringing you down."
"You don't even know her! How can that be when she's one of the greatest people I've ever met? With all that she's been through, she has selflessly dedicated her life to the betterment of mankind by advancing the coming Singularity."
"Singularity?"
"Yeah. The point in time when man creates superhumanity."
"Oh jeez. Not Superhumanism." said Tony.
"What? What's your beef with Superhumanism?"
"Only that it's in complete opposition with the Gospel of Jesus Christ."
"I wouldn't say complete opposition."
"I would. You can't spell superhumanism without humanism."
"So what? Are you against science and progress?"
"I am not against science unless it's turned into a god that is placed above the true God."
"Well maybe that's for the best." said Ransom. "Science is based on logic and reason. Religion is based on myth and superstition."
"Are you just playing Devil's advocate? Science is not based on logic and reason."
"Beeyes."
"Religion is based on logic and reason. So is philosophy. Science is not. Science is based on observation of nature and empirical data. Nature follows no logic but it's own. When nature defies logic, then logic conforms to nature. Really, did anyone think it was logical when Michelson and Morley discovered that light moves at a constant speed?
"Nature is the creation of God. And it is a sin to place the creature above the Creator.
"Humanism is the complete opposite of the Gospel. It is the worship of man and man's creations. And if there is one thing that I've learned in my quarter century on this earth, it's that mankind is nothing worthy of worship. We are infinitely selfish and absolutely corruptible. Superhumanism believes that if we remove all want, we will suddenly stop acting the way we've acted from the Fall. But man is a lost cause. And humanism is the sin of idolatry."
Ransom got up out of his chair. "You say that God is good, and worthy of worship. I don't see what's so great about a God who put's people through torment just to test them. Like we're his little experiment."
"I never said that it wasn't hard. I don't mean to downplay the seriousness of anyone's suffering."
"I don't want to talk about this anymore." Ransom put away his chair and headed towards the door.
"One of these days, you'll have to make a choice between God and humanism. I pray you make the right one."
'Yeah. me too. Later Tony."